he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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