I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
