it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize