White coat. Heels.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
