you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
