Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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