Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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