omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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