I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
