Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
