she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
