Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
