Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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