hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
