If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
