Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
smell my finger.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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