He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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