so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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