It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
