Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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