I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
