We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
