It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think my vagina is haunted
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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