FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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