Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
