Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
