apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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