his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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