Taylor Swift is so right about you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
