Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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