If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
