I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
