Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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