What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize