Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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