So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
