the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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