Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
