dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
