she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
