Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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