Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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