Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
