PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
