ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
