Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
