toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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