I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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