Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We need a shit load of segways right now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
