So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
