yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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