I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
