I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
