why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
