i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Houston, we have a blender
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
