i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Never underestimate the power of titties
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
