she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
