I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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