we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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