You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
