Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
