dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
