Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
