I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
