Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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