did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
