It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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