i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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