I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
