he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.