dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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