Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to