you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.