i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
