Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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