I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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