So drunk its hurt
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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