Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
