Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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