I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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