my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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