I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
