Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
