So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
