I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have aggressive nipples.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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