do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
BRING THE BAGELS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
