Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
