I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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